Marcus Aurelius most famously said that “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but your expectations of it and you can revoke that at any moment”. Understanding what is and what isn’t in our control can help us deal with our emotions better and lead better and happier lives.
Circle of control
The immediate circle around your behaviour is your circle of control, filled with things and actions that you have full or partial control over. These are the things that you have the most power to manipulate according to your whims and wishes, to fit any social and cultural situation we are in. For example, you have full control of your words and tone and thus have a fair amount of control over your thoughts. You can control over your outfits, your food, your exercise and even your posture which in turn, control your overall mood. You can control your location or where you chose to be and that has a lot of bearing in your overall behaviour and how you interact with your surroundings. We should always be aware and in control of all these factors so that we have a bigger circle of influence.
Circle of Influence
During our lifetimes we all have a set of people who are affected directly or indirectly by our actions and behaviours. These are our circle of influence and most of your personal and professional growth is powered by this circle. Your circle of influence includes your relationships with not just your significant other but also with your friends, family and colleagues. You can never fully control but definitely can influence the mood in a room, a close surrounding, or even a neighbourhood with the things that you can control within yourself. Most of the times our circle of concern is bigger than our circle of influence meaning we are perpetually worried about things that we have no control over – things that are beyond our circle of control and influence.
External Factors
Things that we have no control over are often the ones that ruffle our feathers the most. Foreign policies of the government or the political views of a stranger are not something that we can change or control but they seem to upset a lot of people. Similar to worrying about the economy or a nuclear war. We have as much control over them as we have during an asteroid impact or a volcanic eruption. We have no control over these external mega events yet we spend a lot of time agonizing over it. By remembering what is within and what is beyond our circle of control and influence, we can save ourselves a lot of heartaches.
