Here are ways to help you develop your active listening skills and in return become the better conversationalist
What most people are by default inclined toward talking on top of one another, interrupting each other, and waiting for someone else to give a word is the art of listening. However, that is what separates the good from the bad-the one active listening. It's not hearing the words, but being present, getting the real meaning of the speaker's message, and responding thoughtfully.
Listening actively involves the bestowal of concentration. In a world where people now carry their phones and where multitasking and distraction can occur at every turn, to exclusively focus on someone as a conversational partner is a precious commodity. To listen attentively in conversation requires placing your phone in your pocket, closing your laptop, and restricting the tendency to do several things at once. Eye contact and nodding from time to time communicate that you are listening.
But focus isn't just about being physically present; it's also a matter of mental presence. That is, instead of preparing your response to what the other person is saying, listen to what they have to say. You can keep your brain active by repeating the main points in your mind when you hear them. This way, you will recall the information, and your answers will also be more relevant.
Nothing derails a conversation faster than tactless interrupting. It tells the other person that you're more interested in expressing yourself than in listening to their opinion, and it cuts off their train of thought. You even feel like you know what they might be going to say and just want to keep going. Resist. Let the speaker finish; that will show respect and give you a clearer view of what they have in mind.
A technique to pay much attention to in this case is to pause for a moment before answering. This will give the speaker some time to add whatever he feels he should have said or a point he wishes to identify, and it will show that you are thinking hard before saying anything. It really prevents misconceptions and gives you ample time for a well-thought answer rather than a reactionary one.
Instead of just waiting until the speaker is ready to say their part, active listeners ask appropriate questions to continue to probe. Open-ended questions invite a speaker to further develop their thoughts and opinions. For instance, instead of the question, "Do you have a good day?", ask, "What was the best thing that happened to you today?
This kind of question requires an answer that's more specific than proving that you are really interested in hearing what the other person has to share.
You show that you are really listening and want to know more by asking open-ended questions. This may easily change a superficial discussion into a meaningful one.
Another effective active listening technique is to paraphrase or summarize what a speaker is saying. In other words, it's not about repeating but reflecting in your own words what their message is. For example, you can say, "So what I'm hearing is that you are frustrated with your current project because it's taking too long.".
By paraphrasing you demonstrate that you are paying attention and catch the essence of the message of the speaker; it also allows him to give some elbow room when you had misconstrued. This exchange process not only enhances your understanding but also makes the speaker realize that you are being attentive and hearing him out.
An open mind is what active listening needs. It is not very difficult to jump into conclusions or make judgments due to personal prejudices, but this certainly forms a barrier in communication. Instead go into the conversations with curiosity and empathy, trying to understand the point of view from which the speaker is speaking, even though it may be different from yours.
Don't assume or cut off a person with, "That's not what I look at it as" or "You're wrong." Listen patiently, and if you can in reality disagree, then frame your response in such a way as to acknowledge the other's point of view. For example, you could say, "I understand where you're coming from, but here's my perception of it."
Ensure that, when you have a chance to speak, what you say has relevance and thought provoking and emanates from the contents said by the other speaker. It simply reflects having listened attentively and valued what they are sharing. Avoid bringing the conversation back into your experiences unless it needs to go into the discussion at hand. A good conversationalist balances sharing of their experiences with reminding others of the speaker's experiences.
Thoughtful responses involve more than emotional intelligence. Listen not just for what they say but also for the speaker's tone and body language, which might add more meaning to the message. Act not only upon their message but also upon the emotions or intentions behind the words.
